I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
