Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
