I think I am morally bankrupt
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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