Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
