We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
