her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You need Xanax blowdarts
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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