does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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