i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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