Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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