So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
