i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
