i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
