just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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