dude i'm inner monologue high
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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