Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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