I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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