There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
