just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
