Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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