Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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