Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
