Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
