I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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