I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
