I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
They are going to name an STD after you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
