i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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