I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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