We're facebook friends in real life
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just tell him i said nine months
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
