Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize