new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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