I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
