If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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