I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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