i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
