she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize