at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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