Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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