Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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