i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
