He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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