I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
