I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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