You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
