All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
