you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
