I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
