Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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