So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's always time for handjobs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
