I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
