My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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