are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
