Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
