I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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