My balls are so social today.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
