He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
