I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
