i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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