there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
