do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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