i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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