Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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