You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
