ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
