i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
