last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
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Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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