Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
