is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
