Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My feet surprised me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
