I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
